no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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