I wish I could teleport
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
