Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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