Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
