The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
