At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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