So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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