Pants 0. Shit 1.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
