I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
