Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My balls are so social today.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
