they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
