They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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