I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
