How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
