apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
