Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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