guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
