This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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