You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
