Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
