so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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