What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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