Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
