I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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