they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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