Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want a musical about memes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
