Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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