I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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