we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
