I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want her autograph on my taint
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
