I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
