i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
