To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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