Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
