I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
