If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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