i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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