I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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