It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
