It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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