He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
