you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
