I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
