no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
