Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
