I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
