yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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