I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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