He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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