a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As shirtless as possible
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
