Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
