My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
