Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
