Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
