Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
