I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
