I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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