So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
false alarm. still invincible.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
