Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
